Back to School Week

It has been peaceful on campus the past few months....I was not sad to see the college kids leave for the summer. The last impression that was left with me before they returned home to their over-indulged lives with Mommy and Daddy was the following....

A "young lady" standing IN THE WAY, as usual, talking on a cell phone to one of her many adoring and lifelong friends <---snicker ....

she was dressed as if she were selling and invitation to observe all that could be seen under the laws of decency.

You know the outfit... shorts that are WAY too short.... a tight babydoll tee shirt with some stupid reference to how cute she thinks she is on it.... two tone hair that just flabbergasts me that they think we don't know that those "highlights" were not made by the sun...but by a chemical squeezed from a tube. Her "muffin top" hanging delicately over her waistband..and the clear bump from a belly ring poking through her overstretched tee. AND OF COURSE... a tramp stamp tattoo in the shape of a flower, sun and moon. No college outfit is complete without the sparkly flip flops that show off thier pudgy toes and "cankles" with toenail polish that says... "hold on here".

Now that you have the visual....and don't forget the over done eye makeup that shows the utter vacancy of thought beneath those tinted contact lenses.....

she only made one statement that I could hear...

ready?

"Yeah like, I went to the party last night, and like... they had booze and drugs and sex and stuff!"

ok.

I wanna know what the "and stuff" was.

I felt like calling her father and telling him to think twice before he writes that next tuition check.

Soooooo, they are back now. Sighhhhhhhhhh

They swarm the campus with their air of stench from the multiple scented products eminating just beneath the pungent odor of the overpriced perfume that carries the name of some no talent "singer" with blonde hair and caps.

And the boys....

omg.... did you shower today, guys? I know that the girls wear enough smelly crap to cover up your scent as soon as the rub all over you... but come on now.... you still have to wash your "stuff" once in a while.

Now, the "young lady" that i just described comes with a name... one that is given by the young men that have conquered them... "cum dumpsters".

Yup.... true.

So a gaggle of these future lawyers and doctors (hahahha) were walking past the hospital and the young man that works for us for the summer said ..... "look, there goes a "cum landfill"!!!"

So, they are moving into their dorms this week. I don't know how they are going to pass their physics classes when they cannot grasp the concept of larger items on the bottom. The vacant expressions and the snotty frustration directed at their WAY TOO OLD parents who are lugging their shit into their dorms...makes me want to smack all of them right upside their heads and ask "what the f*** do you major in???"

My guess is basket weaving 101.

You can see the mating rituals beginning as the lure of the dozens of bars surrounding the campus beckons them like the Pied Piper. Oh, the dreams of youth...

to wake up on a strange floor with your "cutie" tee on the table....your shorts around your ankles....your face resting peacefully on the old smelly carpet stained with the vomit of skanks before you... all the while tasting the sticky sweet drink that carried the "ruffy o desire".

ahhhh, future memories in the making.

and our sons... the future.

no thanks... I'll just die. (Thank you, Jeff Foxworthy)

Because if it is up to a man who cannot pull his pants up, wears clothing that looks like it was worn by the homeless, yet costs $300 dollars an outfit, and had no handle on the English language other than the abbreviations used while texting... to be a man and keep this country running smoothly... (gawd knows "ruffy chick" doesn't stand a chance)...

I fear for the future.

tuition.....$60,000
room and board....$15,000
"grocery money"...(beer and drug money)....$6,000
a credit line at Abercrombie and Fitch.....$25,000

an overall GPA of 2.1, and an uncle in a high power position that will employ him/her combined with the ability to say "my son/daughter is a _____ alumni"...

PRICELESS!