Sunday, April 25, 2010

Mother, May I?

I remember being a small child and playing "Mother, may I?" on the school playground. For those of you who have never played that game, (this is specifically directed at you!) it was a game of trickery and manners. One child stood a distance from a line of other children. The "mother" child would give instructions like "take one giant step forward". The other children then had to respond with "Mother, may I?". Permission was then either granted or denied. If the child did not state "Mother, may I?" before carrying out the action, they went back to the starting line. The "mother" child would use inflection and speed of the command to trick the child into NOT saying the proper response.The first child to be able to reach out and touch "mother" was declared the winner, and had the privledge of becoming "mother" in the next round.

I took my ten year old son to work with me this past week, in honor of "take your child to work day", which apparently interferes with the public school system's state fund raising...otherwise known as "standardized testing". However, that is another rant for another day.

My son awakened at 4:45am in excitement for his journey to work with Mom. I am employed in a labor capacity with ALL MEN! This is a ten year old boy's dream job. He was excited to see our equipment and get a ride in the infamous John Deere Gator that he has heard so much about. We stopped at the local gas station for snacks and coffee for Mom. He placed his snacks on the counter and said "good morning!" to the young man that rings up my coffee every morning. The young man smiled and conversed with Adam for several minutes about the excitement of his day. Adam then bound out the front door smiling and thanking the young man for wishing him well in his adventure.

While we drove the 45 minutes it takes for me to arrive at work, I reminded Adam to please use his good manners and to closely follow instructions while in the workplace. I have three sons, ages almost 15, almost 13 and 10. (Some days I wish that I could put a shot of Whiskey in my coffee!) Adam is the one who requires constant reminders about EVERYTHING. I was a little stressed out about taking this particular child to work with me that day. He is my "difficult" child. He is strong willed and high energy at all times. This is a parenting challenge, to say the least.

Our first task of the day is to clean the litter from the sidewalks of several city blocks. Adam happily, and dutifully went about his task without complaint, and even listened when I told him to try NOT to get run over by a bus. Whew, first stressor dealt with. Along his journey, we ran into one of the department managers. I introduced Adam to him, and Adam reached out his hand and said, "Hello, Mr. ___". I was so proud of him. When the man walked away, Adam asked me if he was a boss. I said yes, and asked him how he knew that. He said, "He looked like a boss, and he wears a tie, Mom...geeez *eye roll*". Well played, Adam.

Adam worked well with my co-workers, and remembered to always give them a title when speaking directly to them. Mr. Mike was his favorite. He helped him bend a penny in a vice. Oh, the things that entertain males. Mr. Dave showed him how the Robins will eat the grubs from the newly cut sod, and helped Adam up when he stumbled and fell, landing a large piece of sod directly over his face. Adam got up laughing, and Mr. Dave couldn't help but laugh along. Mr. Alex commiserated endlessly with Adam over the pains of dealing with Mom everyday. Thanks, Alex. Mr. Joe showed Adam how to use the mower, and even let him cut for a while. Adam beamed all day long. I began to wonder if his face would cramp from the permanent smile.

Finally, it is lunchtime. We go to the Cafe located on the seventh floor, and I am anxious for Adam to meet one of the nicest people employed in this hospital, another Mr. Joe. He is the head chef. Adam meets him, shakes his hand and carries a fairly long conversation about his day thus far. Then it is time to order lunch, and Adam does so, remembering to say "please" and "thank you". He gobbled down his personally crafted grilled cheese (just what head culinary chef LOVES to prepare) and we head back to work for the afternoon. We saw, and met several more managers throughout the day, and even a Vice President. Adam carried himself like a proud little man, and never needed further reminding of how to behave.

When I went to the Cafe the following day to order my lunch, the man behind the counter asked to speak with me for a moment. He stated that he was stunned by Adam's behavior and complimented me on how polite and happy he was. I actually hear this quite often in reference to all three of my boys, and have heard it since they were very young. I replied to him with thanks and told him that it saddens me that my son stands out, simply because he was respectful. He proceded to tell me that there were many children in there the previous day, they were children of doctors, administrators and CFOs. He said that they were rude and demanding, just like their parents. He thanked me again for raising a son that knows how to treat people, even the lowly people working behind a counter. I laughed and said, "It isn't that difficult, when you understand what it feels like to be viewed as "lowly".

I was proud of my son that day, and everyday for various things. You see, I spend my day observing people, and their behavior. I see people bump into each other without even so much as an "excuse me". I see them drop doors on the people entering behind them. I see them berate the men and women at the information desk, as if they are not even worthy of basic human respect. I see you refuse to hang up your cell phone, or even take pause when ordering your lunch. I rarely hear the words, "please" or "thank you". I see children damaging other's property or running around screaming while the mother or father chats away on their phone, or simply ignores them. I hear children calling adults by their first names and seemingly not even know the existance of the word, "please" when making a request.

I have taught my sons to ALWAYS hold a door for someone, especially someone struggling with it, even if you don't plan on entering yourself. I have taught them to help people when they see the need for it. I have instructed them repeatedly on the need to show respect and poise when faced with someone deserving of it. They are to ALWAYS show basic human kindness and respect, and if they do not, they will be reprimaded for it, even if god himself is standing there. The incredible thing is, I don't have to remind them. They see the positive reactions and benefits of behaving properly, and they continue with what is CLEARLY working for them. My 15 years old son can enter the local store or mall with his friends, and NOT be followed by the manager or security simply because he has carried himself appropriately and spoken with respect to those people.

I suppose that I am not so much speaking about manners, as I am about respect and kindness. Does one not reflect another? Where did this lost art go? Is it really that difficult to take a moment to tap into your instinctual human empathy and behave the way that you would like to see other behave toward you? Why have we lost this skill? Granted, it is difficult to smile through the rudeness of others, but why do we succumb to the same behavior? I am guilty of that, myself. When met with someone who behaves in a way that is disgusting or distainful, I will open my mouth and give them a little dose of their own medicine. That, in itself, is a delicate art. I am not so delicate. LOL I have been chastised by my own sons for that very behavior. Good for them, even their mother is not exempt from behaving appropriately.

I wonder, as they grow older, will they succumb to the frustration of dealing within a rude and self-serving society? Have I actually harmed their ability to deal in a world where their behavior is all but rendered obsolete? I truly hope not. I write this, in the hope that there are others feeling the same frustration and confusion. I also write it in the hopes that some of you will pull your heads from your asses and start raising your children as human beings instead of wild animals with no self control or language skills!

There is a fast food restaurant near where I work, and the sign on the front counter states this....

"We will be more than happy to assist you when you hang up your phone. Until then, we will take the next customer in line. Thank you, MGMT."

Good for you. It's a start.

Jesus, people. You are being parented by Burger King. Wake up.

1 comment:

  1. Your sons are a reflection of you.
    You are a godsend.
    And damn, I wish I could write like that.

    ReplyDelete