American Heroes

Here is Mark McGwire’s chance. For the last four years, he has hidden inside his gated community in Southern California while his reputation and legacy withered among a public that branded him a coward who never followed through on a promise he made under oath before Congress.

One of the lasting images of Mark McGwire is his evasive performance before Congress in 2005.
Now, redemption calls. The St. Louis Cardinals hired McGwire on Monday as their new hitting coach, exposing him to vouching for the very words on which he turned his back. On March 19, 2005, in between informing a roomful of elected officials probing baseball’s steroid problem that “I’m not here to talk about the past,” McGwire found himself engaged in a particularly telling exchange with Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.).
Cummings: “You’re willing to be a national spokesman?”
McGwire: “I’d be a great one.”
Cummings: “So, that means you would do it?”
McGwire: “Be a spokesperson?”
Cummings: “Yes.”
McGwire: “Absolutely.”
If, by absolutely, McGwire meant he’d completely ignore the steroid issue short of a few token donations from his foundation, well, then he’s been a paragon of spokesmandom.

Embrace and own his errors. Speak with candor. Convince a public that he turned his back on four years ago.
Be a hero. The real kind this time.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=jp-mcgwire102509&prov=yhoo&type=lgns


Oh, the moral and ethical dilemmas that the almighty U. S of A face. Are there not more important things in this country than whether or not an overpaid "professional athlete" takes a "performance enhancing drug"? I love that term, "performance enhancing drug". I bet their wives would disagree. When I read things like this, and the pseudo disgust for athletes who don't accomplish their fame "naturally", I shake my head in wonder. I hear all kinds of trumped up outrage over some kind of "betrayal" at the hands of men like Mark McGuire. I was an athlete, a long time ago. The human body has limitations. Athletes push their bodies and minds beyond what is possible. That is how they become the "best", at least until someone else pushes further.

The question that we all need to ask ourselves is, why do they push so hard, and so far? The answers are actually pretty simple. The first is fame. The second is money, and the third is personal achievement. What are they achieving? They have the ability to say, "I am the best", or "my team is the best". They have thousands of people adoring them. They make millions of dollars, and live lavish lifestyles. It was YOUR demand to see the bigger and better athlete, it was YOUR willingness to pay hundreds of dollars for their jersey, it was YOUR need to be a part of a group that can claim "bragging" rights for your city that created these monsters. YOU are the ones who tell your children that they need to destroy their young, developing bodies for fame and fortune. YOU are the ones who feel the need to live vicariously through your children and communities. Yet, you are then the ones who express outrage at the idea that they have taken a drug that enhances their abilities. Why? That answer is also a simple one. Those drugs are harmful, and the people who opt NOT to take them are at an unfair disadvantage. Right? Oh come on now, you don't care about an unfair advantage when you are demanding more and more from your children and athletes, unless it is YOUR child, or team who can't make the cut.

Why do we place so much emphasis on the ability to defeat another at a game? This is what all of this boils down to. You aren't racing to help mankind, or expand your knowledge. You are racing to win a game. Baseball is a game. Football is a game. Hockey is a game. Why are these men held to a standard of being a "hero"? Simply, because they were willing to push what was a natural ability to the breaking point and beyond? Many professional athletes donate time and money to their communities. That's great. Where did that money come from? The community who PAID to see them perform! Do you really think that they TRULY give more of a shit about the community than their tax breaks? You are truly naive if you think that a person whose natural drive to defeat another also has the spirit of a true humanitarian.

So now, Mark Mcguire has all but been shunned from public view. He has been cast out like a leper, and why? Because you are pissed off that you made a professional "game player" a hero to your sons and daughters. You trusted a man that you don't even know to be a role model for your children. HA! The joke is on you, and he has made you look like the fool that you are. I say, good for him! He took your money, your adoration, your trust and your status as "hero" and laughed all the way to the bank. The true American spirit shines through. Did you learn anything from his "betrayal"? Nope. You just trusted someone else, because you are an idiot.

I say, let them take steroids. Let them pump whatever they want into their bodies. Hell, give them to your kids! Why stop at dragging a crying child to the fifth practice that week? Hey, if you want to be the best, you have to be willing to do what it takes, right? If you want to be a hero, you have make sacrifices, people. I mean, heroes do that. Think about our war heroes. We have Vietnam, Gulf War, and who knows what will come from "operation Bush lie". They are suffering chemical effects, yet they aren't living a lavish lifestyle and followed by thousands of adoring fans. I figure that if you are to obtain the status of "hero", you should be as fucked up as the REAL heroes that we ignore everyday!

That sounds kind of extreme, doesn't it? Well, it isn't. It is about perspective and priorities. If you have made a hero out of someone who plays a game for a living, then you are a poor excuse for a parent and human being. Don't pretend to be so damn offended when you get caught up in your own stupidity. I guarantee that 75% of the names on your adored jerseys have taken some form of "enhancement drug" at one time or another. You just don't care because they haven't been caught. You will be happy as long as you have your precious titles and trophies. So, why not revel in your pathetic greed? Let them eat roids all day long! Just think of the extra entertainment value that you will get from a roid raging fight on the field! Now THAT is worth $600 a ticket. If you are going to worship gladiators, then put a damn lion in the ring, only the lion is simply a metaphor for steroids.

PS, Make sure you read the warning label on your child's ADD or ADHD or whatever three letter disorder medication you give them. You want to make sure it won't interfere with the steroids. Come on, people, to be the best, you have to be willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES! YOU are the ones making the demands. Put YOUR child in the arena, and enjoy! Maybe someday, he or she can be a hero too.

Change

On occasion, I have a mellow moment. Ironically enough, the most recent one came while watching Wanda Sykes new stand-up act, "Ima Be Me". Wanda has always caught my attention as an incredibly talented female comedienne. I was listening to her performance, and then I became very aware of what I was witnessing. I was sitting in my middle-class, suburban home watching an African American lesbian perform to a sold out crowd. Her material consisted of her personal life, relationships, politics and aging. She was brilliant.

Her performance prompted me to stop, and think about female comediennes throughout history. I remembered watching The Carol Burnett show, as a kid. I loved her TV spin off, "Mama's Family". Carol Burnett mastered the art of "intelligent slapstick comedy". Joan Rivers shocked the world with her crass and "in your face" style of comedy. People love to hate Joan, and THAT is what has rocketed her to being one of the most reconizable female comediennes of all time. Gilda Radner, and her character "Rosanne Rosanne a dana" sticks in my mind as one of the first memorable performances on Saturday Night Live. Ethyl Merman's performance in "It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World" launched some of my favorite "one liners". She was not known for being a comedic performer, but her natural timing was undeniable. Lily Tomlin graced our screens with timeless comedy performances like "Nine to Five", and "All of Me". Rosanne Barr was the trailer park queen of the 1990s. Her ability to mock herself and "tell it how it is", made her one of the most loved and hated women to ever step foot in the comedy arena.

There has been a transition for women comediennes throughout time. Women were typically "just not funny". I find that still, to be quite true, in many cases. The female performers of the past have been forced to stay within certain confines of what was, and was not acceptable for a woman to say. We were allowed to make jokes about marriage, children and female reproductive issues. That was about it. How many different ways can you make a joke about a tampon, not wanting to have sex, and the perils of motherhood, before it just ceases to be funny? I can tell you that it wore pretty thin in the 1980s. This was the decade when women tried to "come out of their shell" a little bit at a time. We began using harsh profanity and shocking speech to get a laugh. The idea that a woman can tell someone to "go fuck themselves" on stage was a foreign concept to many. Comedians like Eddie Murphy, Richard Prior, Sam Kinison and Dennis Leary had a lock on that market. I think back on the comedy of Lucille Ball, and I have to tell you, I do not find her one bit funny or entertaining. I find her style of comedy to be very dated to the time, and an incredibly poor portrayal of the American woman. Her character was based on the expected and stupid antics of a housewife, and based on the perception of what men wanted women to be, and how we were perceived as just stupid, babbling, air-headed women.

So here we are, Wanda Sykes and Lucille Ball. Wow, what a stark contrast in style. Thanks to comediennes like Joan Rivers, Rosanne Barr, Mo Nique, and Ellen Degeneres, here comes the REAL American woman. Wanda is, both as a comedienne and a person, what embodies the true American woman. She stands in the face of racial and sexual orientation hatred, and says "FUCK YOU, I am going to be me!" These women are CRUSHING the barriers that have been in place for decades. Women aren't just "the silly, stupid" wives of the past. We are forces to be reckoned with. We are smart, witty, quick on our feet, and will show men that we can pack a sold out show by saying the very things that scare the hell out of them. Nice job ladies. Like them or hate them, either way, you will tune in either to laugh or shake your head in disgust. No matter what, you will tune in, and that's where those walls come tumbling down.

This is an incredible time that we are lucky enough to be a part of. There will always be barriers to be torn down in our society. As long as people rule the world, it will be riddled with hate, intolerance, and predjudice. However, in my short thirty five years of life, I have seen walls come down at a rate that, from what I can see, is unprecedented. Wanda Sykes symbolizes the rise of racial minorities, women, and homosexuals. Her success is ALL of our success. Attitudes are changing, and people are tired of hearing "it is ok for you to be whatever, as long as i don't have to see it." Well, folks, not only are you seeing it, but you are paying your hard earned money to see it. Now, THAT is change, real change.

The Prototype...

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Those of you who are familiar with language construction of various cultures and ethnicities know that there are, within one language, many times, several dialects. I have discovered that within the Americanized, bastardized version of English, we too, have different dialects. I am going to create a new standard for dialect detection. It is called "listen to an asshole on their cellphone in public." It is stunning, to me, how many people think that they are the only ones within hearing distance of their conversation.

I spend quite a bit of time in and around the general public. My hope for retirement is to move to a deserted island or mountaintop where there are no cellphones or people who can speak. The only acceptable community will be a mute one. The greatest irritant in regard to cellphone use, is when you are in a confined space, with no exit strategy. For example, I was on an elevator yesterday, and an Asian woman entered while talking on her cellphone. By talking, I mean screaming in a language that I could not understand even if I had a lifetime of study to perfect. I was married to a Chinese man for ten years, and the only thing that I retained was how to swear, and count to ten. That being said, I can also tell you that the Chinese language is one that is spoken at a higher volume than many others. It always sounds like they are pissed off, yet they could be wishing someone happy freakin birthday. This woman was no exception. I wanted to take her phone and shove it so far up her ass that she would need Roto Rooter to get it out. Hey lady, the accoustics in an elevator are NOT condusive to screaming. If the person on the other end of the phone was not deaf before you called them, they are now. There were several other people on the elevator who also seemed to be agitated by her conversation, yet you never hear anyone speak up and tell them to SHUT THE FUCK UP! My guess is that she got a free pass because it was assumed that she would not understand them. Wrong again. SHUT THE FUCK UP, is universal, give it a try once, you will see. Ten bucks say that she speaks English when THAT flies out of your mouth!

When I think of public confined spaces, elevators are the number one social anxiety trap. There is a close second, and that is ANY form of public transportation. I have to ride a small shuttle bus from my place of employment to my parking lot. This ride is, on average, twenty to thirty minutes long. I would like to introduce you to who I have designated to be "the prototype" for EVERYTHING that irritates me about the American social climate. This twenty something woman is the bane of my existance everyday at 3:40pm. I want you to remember one VERY important fact. The ID badge that is clipped to her shirt reads "RN", as in, REGISTERED NURSE! This is the woman who cares for you, and is your lifeline to the doctor that will potentially save your life. Be afraid, be very, very afraid. She enters the shuttle, on her fucking phone. It never fails, she sits right accross from me with her oversized bag/purse/luggage carry-on, whatever the hell it is. I know that you could easily pack enough food to feed a small third world country in it. She always sits in the seat by the window, and places that ugly piece of animal hide on the seat next to her, thus preventing anyone from sitting with her. She then crosses her legs, forcing one knee into the back of the seat in front of her with NO regard for the person sitting there. Her makeup looks like she just walked head on into a wet painting. She holds her oversized phone to her ear and taps her acrylic nails on the case, as if she is sending Morse Code to the other person. The bad news is, they couldn't possibly decipher it over the incessant verbal diarrhea that spews from her bright pink glittery lips. I can't even describe the torture that is felt while she inanely shares every minute of her pathetic existance with the other person. Because of this woman, I have developed an aversion to the word, "like". I know that you are nodding your head in agreement now. We have all heard teenagers abuse the word, but come on you dipshit, you are NOT fifteen anymore. PLEASE develop some form of coherent communication skills, because if I have to hear THIS ONE MORE TIME....

"So, like, I was like so tired last night. Then, like, Travis called and like was like pissed off cuz I didn't answer my phone. Then he like texted me like thirty times like in a row. Then, I like told him that like I can't always, like, answer my phone. I am like, a good friend, but like, I have my limits, like you know? So anyways, like when I like finally talked to him when I was done working, like he said that like he was looking for a job and like that he was thinking about finding a new place to like live. I was like, well, Travis, you like have no money and all that. Then like he had the like nerve to like tell me to like mind my own business! YEAH! I KNOW! So anyways, like when I was done talking to him I like got a text from Abby, and she like told me that like Travis was like pissed at me and all that. I was like, whatever, he is like so immature."

Now, continue that line of thought for another twenty nine minutes, or so. Is this a new dialect within our language that I am unfamiliar with, or is this just more of the same uneducated stupidity that runs rampid in our society? I am going with option "B". I came to that conclusion by putting all of the pieces of the puzzle together. Combine blatent disregard for other people with over self absorption, and you have a nurse who wears pink sweat pants that say "PINK" on the ass. We know they are pink, asshole. OH, you want us to look at your ass? Ok, then get off of the fucking phone, go to the gym, and tone that thing up a bit. THEN you don't have to draw attention to it with print, moron.

I swear that one day soon, I am going to walk up to her and ask to speak to the person on the other end of that phone. I want to ask them two things, firstly, how the fuck do you listen to this everyday? My guess is that the response will be, "Like, who is this?" Then secondly, I will ask her to PLEASE tell this stupid bitch to shut the hell up! I am assuming that it will not pan out so well for me. I know this because of the "birds of a feather" thing. I couldn't bear THIS as a response...

"Like, I don't know who you like think you are, but Alicia is like my bestest friend in the whole world. We like grew up together and like she is so totally the best friend I like ever had, so like, if you don't like her then, like that ain't my problem. Like, I don't know anyone else who like can wear Crocs and and sweatpants and like STILL look good, you know what I'm sayin? So like who don't you like just mind your own business and like leave her alone."

I would LOVE to mind my own business, bitch! That is the problem here, I CAN'T because my head is all clogged up with cheap designer perfume, and the word "LIKE". Stupid twit.

I used to think that texting was stupid and pointless. I now see the necessity for it. We have regressed to communication via the written word after decades of developing technology that allows verbal, personal communication. Why would we do that? Ask "Like Chick". Better yet, ask the people who suffer through the idiotic rantings of her loosly developed vocabulary. Given the choice between hearing one more story about Travis and hearing the beeping of the text, I GUARANTEE they will choose the beeping. Congratulations, "Like Chick", you have become more annoying than a rythmic pattern of beeping and clicking. You ARE the prototype for everything that is wrong with our society, you moronic, self absorbed, obnoxious, ignorant fool.

Who needs talent, when there are Britney and "T"

I made a serious error in judgement this past weekend. I actually tuned in to MTV for a short period of time. I would like to thank the mindless, no talent, freaks who produce this crap for giving me a few more lines on my forehead. I sat there, entranced with my head tilted like a dog who just heard a high pitched noise. Was it the staggering amount of natural talent and charisma of the performers that entranced me? No. Was it the quality programming of the "shows" that balance the sheer genius of the performers? No. I am actually having a difficult time processing and explaining what I just witnessed. However, I will remove the brain to mouth filter, and give it my best shot. (Hey, Lady Ga Ga and Kanye West, that means you.)

I would like to know who determined that, in order to be a singing and dancing performer, that you don't actually have to possess any of those traits, or abilities. Britney, would you PLEASE get the hell off of my television and out of the news! For the love of everything good in the world, would you just admit that you have NO TALENT and a good plastic surgeon who rebuilds you once every two years? You are one more dye job and peel away from Joan Rivers, for gawd's sake. You are NOT hot. Let me say that again. The only "men" who find you hot are children who still look under their sister's Barbie Doll's skirt, HOPING to find an explanation for why they wake up with sticky sheets. Was that to the point enough for you? You are a horrible performer, your looks were always mediocre, at best, you are a disgusting pseudo engineered human being, and the whole world laughs at you. I think that you and Kanye West could have a beautiful relationship, if you moved back home. Call the mother ship, your time here is done.

Now, I understand that the pop culture music industry is sorely lacking any semblance of real talent, but for the love of FUCK, how the hell do you justify filling the empty space between Lady Ga Ga and Chris Brown with a show entitled, "Jackass". For those of you who have not seen this show, I will briefly attempt to describe it. I want you to imagine every person, in your life, who you said "He is going to wind up dead, in rehab, or prison." and put them all on one TV show. That pretty much sums it up. Oh, except for the fact that they also staple their own balls to their legs and drink horse semen. You read that right. I will give you a minute to digest that. (pun intended). Are you back now? Good, because I want you to realize that our society has devolved to a point where the most idiotic of people have become "famous", and have gathered a following greater than Farrakhan's million man march. Maybe if T Pain had thought of it, more than half a million people would have shown up. Speaking of no talent. T Pain, honey, please listen to me. We know why you have to use that microphone. You suck. (you should be thankful, you got off easy.) Actually, I lied. T Pain you suck SO much, that I feel the need to continue. I think we need to take a look at just a small part of one of your works of pure art.

YEAH!
yea, yeah!
Woa, Ohh
nuh-nuh nuh Shawty
nuh-nuh nuh Shawty
nuh-nuh nuh Shawty
Don't chop me, Shawty don't screw me
Shawty don't chop me, Shawty don't screw me
Shawty don't chop me, Shawty don't screw me
Yeah
yea, Yeah

You guys think that I made that up, don't you? I didn't. The credit goes to the pure genius of the music industry combined with the limitless talent of "artists" like T Pain.
Look at those freakin lyrics, people. First of all, I would like to know the difference between "Yeah" and "Yea". Is that just so it LOOKS like there are actually more words to this "song"? Why the dash between the first set of nuh-nuh and not the second? I don't mean to insult your artistic license, T. Can I call you T? I think I will. You managed to make an entire verse of music using exactly four words that actually exist in the english language. That is very impressive. By the way, T, unless your "girlfriend/wife" *translation* "Shawty" is short, what the FUCK does that mean? I give up. I should have just stuck with, "you suck". You do.

Pop culture has it's place in this world. It can provide cheap entertainment, (unless you want to see them live or buy anything with their "designer label" on it) for those who don't really like to put too much thought into what is quality and what is not. There are BRILLIANT musicians and talent that knows no limits, yet we are indoctrinated and obsessed with idiots like Britney, Kanye, and, as I like to call him, T. What happened to music being a respected and revered form of communication and expression? I can tell you, it still exists. It is out there, people. Get the hell away from the boob tube, and PAY ATTENTION. There is an entire world of unique and beautiful talent out there. I know that many of you also thought that Bob Ross was an AMAZING painter, but trust me, Van Vogh would cut YOUR ear off for saying so.

I think my good friend, T, said it best,

Now you've officially been chopped and screwed
screwed-screwed, chopped-chopped and screwed
You've officially been dance-dance screwed
And ewed-ewed, chopped screwed-screwed
You've officially been chopped and screwed

*applause*

Holy shit.

Balloon Heads

FORT COLLINS, Colo. – A Colorado sheriff said he was pursuing criminal charges in the case of a 6-year-old boy who vanished into the rafters of his garage while the world thought he was zooming through the sky in a flying saucer-like helium balloon.
The boy's parents, Richard and Mayumi Heene, met with Larimer County investigators for much of the afternoon, but Sheriff Jim Alderden didn't say who would be charged or what the charges would be.
Alderden didn't call Thursday's hours-long drama a hoax, but he expressed disappointment that he couldn't level more serious charges in the incident, which sent police and the military scrambling to save young Falcon Heene as millions of worried television viewers watched.
"We were looking at Class 3 misdemeanor, which hardly seems serious enough given the circumstances," Alderden said. "We are talking to the district attorney, federal officials to see if perhaps there aren't additional federal charges that are appropriate in this circumstance."
He said deputies were seeking a search warrant for the family's home, and there would be more information at a news conference Sunday.
After the sheriff went inside, Richard Heene and his wife walked out. As reporters yelled questions, all Heene said was, "I was talking to the sheriff's department just now." He then walked to his car with his wife and a friend, and they drove away.
The Heenes were expected to speak to reporters outside their home later Saturday, after a strange day that began with Richard Heene knocking on the windows of journalists camped outside his home and promising a "big announcement." A few hours later, he did an about-face when he told reporters that they should leave questions in a cardboard box on the front doorstep.
As Heene walked away, a reporter shouted, "Can you tell us once and for all if this is a hoax?"
"Absolutely no hoax. I want your questions in the box," Heene said, waving a cardboard container before going back into his home. A circus-like atmosphere formed outside, including men holding signs and occasionally yelling "balloon boy." One sign read, "Put balloon boy on TV: America's Most Wanted."
Other gawkers carried aluminum-foil stovetop popcorn makers that resembled the silvery balloon launched from the family's backyard Thursday, with 6-year-old Falcon Heene believed to be onboard.
While Richard and Mayumi Heene were at the sheriff's office, the couple's three sons remained home, apparently being watched by sheriff's officials. Authorities wouldn't comment on what was happening.
Alderden had said that he wanted to re-interview the family after Falcon turned to his dad during a CNN interview and said "you said we did this for a show" when asked why he didn't come out of his hiding place. Then Falcon got sick during two separate TV interviews when asked why he hid.
The balloon was supposed to be tethered to the ground when it lifted off, and no one was supposed to be aboard. A video of the launch shows the family counting down in unison, "3, 2, 1," before Richard Heene pulls a cord, setting the balloon into the air.
"Whoa!" one of the boys exclaims. Then his father says in disbelief, "Oh, my God!" He then says to someone, "You didn't put the (expletive) tether down!" and he kicks the wood frame that had held the balloon.
Falcon's brother said he saw him inside the compartment before it took off and that's why they thought he was in there when it launched. Heene said he had yelled at Falcon before the launch for getting inside.
Alderden said earlier that he thinks it's likely that Falcon ran off because he was scared of getting in trouble, later falling asleep in his hiding spot. He said he doubted that such a hyperactive boy could be ordered to stay quiet for the five hours he was missing.
Over the years, Richard Heene has worked as a storm chaser, a handyman and contractor, and an aspiring reality-TV star.
He and his family appeared on the ABC reality show "Wife Swap," and the show's producer said it had a show in development with the Heenes but the deal is now off. TLC also said Heene had pitched a reality show to the network months ago, but it passed on the offer.
Despite his attempts to get on TV, Heene insisted Saturday that he didn't know what kinds of questions were being asked about him because he didn't have cable.
"I'm going to place the box out front. Please write your questions down, because friends are telling me they're saying this and that. I have no idea what the news is saying," Heene said.

______________________________________________________

I guess that since this stupid crap won't die, I will comment. Where do I begin with this one? Can you say, ATTENTION WHORES???? Let us look at the facts here. This "father of the year" and, apparently mute wife, have attempted on several occasions to get their moment in the national spotlight via "reality TV." Well, I have to tell you, this is about as unreal as it gets. I would LOVE to know what this moron pitched as his idea for his "reality show".....

"Hey, uh....I have an idear. Y'all can come here to Colorada, and bring them thar movie cameras. I got me a big Jiffy Pop thingy, and I was fixin on launchin my yungun up in it. What y'all think?"

That balloon is not the only thing full of hot air. The concept of a mother and father having a "final countdown" to launch, but yet NOT doing a headcount of their children, is well, insulting to anyone with an IQ over 75. Let me get this straight. This idiot prepares to launch the balloon. He KNOWS that his son is ,apparently, proned to climbing aboard. Then he procedes to swear at his other son for not tethering the stupid balloon. I just read that again, and the song from Munchkin Land ran through my head. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" Coincidentally, the "missing child" just HAPPENS to be alseep in the rafters. Huh? Is he Anne Frank for god's sake?

This, unfortunately is not the funniest (by funny, I mean disgusting) part of this sideshow. There are people ACTUALLY camped outside of his house, and their only purpose there is to mock this family with Jiffy Pop. Come on, that's just a LITTLE funny. What I wonder is, where do these groups of people come from? This can't be the way that these "onlookers" form together...

"Hey Bill, what are you doing today?"

"Oh Jed, I was just gonna mow the lawn, then I was headin' over to that "balloon boy's" house with some Jiffy Pop. You wanna come? It should be a real hoot and holler!"

"Hell yeah, Bill! I will make me some signs that say "balloon boy"., and maybe we can get on TV too!"

"Aight Jed, see ya there! Bring the yunguns, they can fetch the beer!"

I shudder to think of any other possibility.

Come to think of it, I wish that I had made the trip, myself! I can tell you why. I would LOVE to see the questions that the media representatives put in the cardboard box on the front "stoop". I would have turned it into a "suggestion box". My first suggestion? Don't breed again. Thank you. That is all I have to say.

This is not worth further attention. Thank you for wasting the last 3 minutes of your life that you will never get back.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/ap_on_re_us/us_boy_in_balloon

Excuse me, George? Could I have a word with you?

NEWARK, Del. — Finding character witnesses when you are 6 years old is not easy. But there was Zachary Christie last week at a school disciplinary committee hearing with his karate instructor and his mother’s fiancé by his side to vouch for him.

Zachary’s offense? Taking a camping utensil that can serve as a knife, fork and spoon to school. He was so excited about recently joining the Cub Scouts that he wanted to use it at lunch. School officials concluded that he had violated their zero-tolerance policy on weapons, and Zachary was suspended and now faces 45 days in the district’s reform school.

“It just seems unfair,” Zachary said, pausing as he practiced writing lower-case letters with his mother, who is home-schooling him while the family tries to overturn his punishment.
Spurred in part by the Columbine and Virginia Tech shootings, many school districts around the country adopted zero-tolerance policies on the possession of weapons on school grounds. More recently, there has been growing debate over whether the policies have gone too far.
But, based on the code of conduct for the Christina School District, where Zachary is a first grader, school officials had no choice. They had to suspend him because, “regardless of possessor’s intent,” knives are banned.
But the question on the minds of residents here is: Why do school officials not have more discretion in such cases?

Still, some school administrators argue that it is difficult to distinguish innocent pranks and mistakes from more serious threats, and that the policies must be strict to protect students.
“There is no parent who wants to get a phone call where they hear that their child no longer has two good seeing eyes because there was a scuffle and someone pulled out a knife,” said George Evans, the president of the Christina district’s school board.

For Delaware, Zachary’s case is especially frustrating because last year state lawmakers tried to make disciplinary rules more flexible by giving local boards authority to, “on a case-by-case basis, modify the terms of the expulsion.”

Um, Excuse me, Mr. Evans. Can I call you George? I think I will. You are missing your calling, sir. You really should be on the parole board at a maximum security prison that houses covicted child rapists and murderers. I really think that you should probably pull your head from your rectal cavity, and look at the facts here. This is a six year old child, you jackass. Do you even know what "zero tolerance" even means? I bet you don't. First of all, this whole drama scene was begun over the Columbine shootings. There is a key word there, do you see it? I bet not, again. The word is "shootings". The last time I checked, a knife can't shoot someone. So, try to follow along here. I assume that the "zero tolerance" for knives is related to the guns that killed the children at Columbine? Am I correct? OK then, herein lies your problem, genius. Where does it stop? A sharpened pencil is a weapon in the hands of an angry child. A putty knife in art class is a weapon in the hands of an angry child. A stapler is a weapon....oh hell, a book is a lethal weapon if swung with enough force. Do you see where I am going with this?

Where is the genius "think tank" that came up with what defines a weapon? This is why it is clearly written that the school should use discretion when administering punishment for "breaking the zero tolerance" law. How does suspending a child, who most likely, has NO IDEA what he has done wrong, solve the problem of violence in the schools? You most likely just aided in creating a child with emotional issues when it comes to his treatment within the school environment. What did YOU take to school when you were just a 6 year old boy, George? A protractor? How about a plastic knife and fork set in your lunchbox? How would YOU have felt if you were humiliated because some jackass decided that it was a "lethal weapon". Would you be the all powerful and all knowing MR. EVANS? I bet the kids have come up with some really good names for YOU over the years. They would probably carve them into their desks, but they can't have knives. OH, but they CAN carve them with a sharp piece of plastic that they pulled from their chair. By the way, they probably picked at their chair out of sheer boredom with your curriculum. I only guess that because you CLEARLY have your head so far up the "politically correct" asses of your administration, that you most likely, don't have much time to focus on mundane things like TEACHING the kids. Just a stab in the dark, George.

Now, don't get all pouty and defensive on me here, George. The truth hurts, I know. Imagine the hurt that you are causing this child, and his family simply because you are a less than virile, neutered man. Grow a set, George, and for once in your pandering life, do what's right. Let the kid back in school. Have your stupid meetings monthly with the students and the teachers about violence and handling their emotions in an appropriate way. But PLEASE don't make an example of a six year old child because you are too stupid and scared to do the right thing. When we set the standard of what is and is not acceptible in our society off of the worst possible scenario, it is doomed to fail. You can NEVER imagine the worst, and you will end up hurting the innocent in your race to defeat the guilty. Have your secretary read that, and interpret it for you. She needs something to do other than roll her eyes at you behind your back. Have a good day, George.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/12/education/12discipline.html?no_interstitial

Rated "E" for Everyone

October 7 2:42 P.M.
Nervous flyers, beware: a Department of Homeland Security-funded project is investigating whether Wii Fit Balance Boards might be good ways to detect signs of tension or unease in airport security lines.

The next step in the War on Terrorism?
As somewhere over 20 million Wii Fit owners know, the Balance Board can detect your precise balance point, making it a perfect keep-fit tool -- but the Future Attribute Screening Technology project hopes detecting physiological signs -- including rapid shifts in balance -- will help identify passengers who may have hostile intentions.
"Researchers took a Wii balance board...and altered it to show how someone's weight shifts. Studies are now under way to determine whether there is a level of fidgeting that would suggest the need for secondary screening," CNN said.
The Balance Board is just one of a suite of sensors the Boston-based project is trialing; others include eye trackers and devices that record respiratory and heart rates. Researchers say their goal is to have a system ready for field tests in 2011.

This is one of those, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???" moments. I get up in the morning, grab my cup of coffee, check my emails and the news page. Why do I continue to do this when almost daily, something like this pops off the screen and screams, "We are a country of morons and sheep!!!!". I know, it is so that I can gather material for this.....

Is there a focus group somewhere who actually thought this would be a good idea? Apparently there must be. It begs the question, who the hell are these people? I would like to meet them, although I have a sneaking suspicion that I already have. This group MUST consist of a group of people who are SO out of touch with reality that it boggles the mind of the average person. How would you like to be a fly on the wall in THAT brain storming session? I can just see it now. There they sit, a bunch of reality flunkies trying to justify their pathetic existance and hide the stunning reality that they are utterly and completely in the dark about anything that even remotely touches upon practical application and common sense. I know, that was a run-on sentence. The idea is so idiotic, that I don't feel the need to put much effort into the retort. Imagine what that room must have looked like. There, gathered around a bunch of folding office tables covered with a plethora of bagels and styrofoam cups, are the representatives of "the good idea" people. There is a big screen pulled down from the ceiling, and a WII game console on the table. At each of their seats is a WII Fit balance board. HOW THE FUCK did they make the connection from that piece of junk to "airport security"??? Maybe they were all distracted by the blue fireflies in the room. Those, of course are not fireflies, but the blinking blue tooth in each of their ears. Something tells me that they aren't the best multi-taskers.

Whose money are they sinking into THIS ridiculous possibility? Who the hell is THAT good of a salesman? I only ask that because I have applied common sense. People fidget. Some people don't like to fly! So, when you have them on your little "device that detects uneasiness", what the hell are they supposed to think? You people are staggeringly STUPID! Who the hell are you? I want just one chance to slap you upside your head, and tell you to STOP capitalizing on the brainwashed fear of the masses just to boost your own financial portfolio. Don't think, for one minute, that I actually believe that some focus group came up with this brain fart. I know who did. The scum-sucking opportunists who feel the need to perpetuate the fear that we are going to be attacked at any moment by the "evil Muslim terrorists". It already takes three hours to get on the fucking plane, and NOW you want to play video games with people, just to see if they are "excessively uneasy"? What the hell will you do, if they are? Hey morons, let me clue you in, you aren't making us safe. You are going to increase the cost of the flight to pay for your stupid shit, and then you are going to make us wait in line for an extra two hours because of it. How is THAT, in any possible way, going to boost your business?

I can't WAIT to see the first person in a wheelchair that has to get up and stand on the balance board. Oh, wait, you aren't going to make them do that? That's right, because terrorists would NEVER think to pose as handicapped to avoid your stupid little trap that you just advertised to the whole world. This idiocy serves ABSOLUTELY no purpose, what so ever. Yet, you idiots will find a way to profit from it. This is incredible. How do you slime balls sleep at night? I don't know who you are, or what your leverage is to pull this crap out of your asses and force it upon people who are too stupid to think for themselves, but I DO know this. If someone wants to blow up some shit with your airplane, they will. I know this because YOU think that the WII Fit balance board is an effective tool in preventing that. But you don't really, do you? You are scum. Your "study" is a fraud, and you deserve a WII Fit board firmly implanted where it just might throw YOUR balance off.

http://videogames.yahoo.com/events/plugged-in/fit-to-fly-balance-board-tapped-to-detect-shifty-characters-at-airports/1361483