UH OH.....

This is a product sold and advertized for birth control....


The common side effects reported by NuvaRing® users are:

Vaginal infections and irritation
Vaginal secretion
Headache
Weight gain
Nausea
In addition to the risks and side effects listed above, users of combination hormonal birth control methods have reported the following side effects:

Vomiting
Change in appetite
Abdominal cramps and bloating
Breast tenderness or enlargement
Irregular vaginal bleeding or spotting
Changes in menstrual cycle
Temporary infertility after treatment
Fluid retention (edema)
Spotty darkening of the skin, particularly on the face
Rash
Weight changes
Depression
Intolerance to contact lenses
Nervousness
Dizziness
Loss of scalp hair




Did you catch all of that? Here, let me help you again....just in case you do not want to get pregnant, you should try this shit.

Vaginal infections and irritation


Well look on the bright side. You DEFINITELY will NOT get pregnant, due to your partner not being able to get past the smell....yeah, I said it.

Vaginal secretion


This kind of goes with the infection thingy, right? Yeah...exactly.

Headache


FINALLY, the "I have a headache" thing will ACTUALLY be effective in preventing multiple Catholic pregnancies! YAY!

Weight gain


Guess what else causes weight gain! PREGNANCY! Uh oh, sound like you are fucked either way.

Nausea


"sorry, honey. I just can't tonight. The thought of having your child makes me want to hurl!"

Vomiting


"SEE? I TOLD you, but nooooooo, you just had to give it a go, huh?"

Change in appetite

I am guessing that by "changes" they mean....WEIGHT GAIN!

Abdominal cramps and bloating

What, you don't want to have sex with your abdomen feeling like it is in a vice grip? You sure?

Breast tenderness or enlargement


This one just made every man think this shit is a good idea! Nice going, assholes.

Irregular vaginal bleeding or spotting


Could be difficult to schedule, oh, YOUR LIFE around this one, don't ya think?

Changes in menstrual cycle


by "changes", they must mean fucked up. Come on people, just say it how it is already!

Temporary infertility after treatment


um....this IS birth control, right? Bah, stop your complaining, just because you didn't want children at 19, doesn't mean that you can just go having them at 30! Holy hell.

Fluid retention (edema)

not good! The good news is, this same company markets a diuretic! ;)Good preparation, guys. Well played.

Spotty darkening of the skin, particularly on the face


Well, you won't get pregnant, but we have more bad news, you could possibly look like the aliens in that terrible TV show, "V". That's not so bad....

Rash


one question....WHERE???

Weight changes

I am just going to take a stab in the dark here...um...going UP??? I am guessing so, with fluid retention and all, but MAYBE you will puke up everything you eat, and it will all even out. Good luck.

Depression


Oh shit, fat, bloated, splotchy face...and then you are going to get depressed? Jesus Christ, they should just sell you a loaded rifle!

Intolerance to contact lenses


*blank stare* WTF.... more explanation is required here....

Nervousness


Is this a nice way of saying your heart will race? I bet it is.

Dizziness


Greeeeeat, this will go well with the nausea thing...like peas and carrots...

Loss of scalp hair


I was hoping "bald" would make the top ten, unfortunately...dead last. Just a thought...only SCALP hair? One would think ALL hair...go figure. You will still have to wax. That sucks.


OK, so this is what I am thinking. What the FUCK???? I am becoming more and more in favor of NOT being lazy, and using a fuckin rubber! Jesus Christ, people. If it is THAT important, maybe you shouldn't "cut corners". I am just saying....

you know what the side effect of THAT is? Latex allergy. That's it. If you have it, use a different kind. Holy fuck. I don't care HOW MUCH HE doesn't want to wear it because it might be "less sensation"....you want a sensation asshole???? TRY CHILDBIRTH!

End rant.