Going, Going...Aren't you gone yet?????

"Going Rogue", huh? Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, are you EVER going to learn? Now, don't get me wrong, I do love the irony of that title. I mean who would expect a nasty, attention seeking, stupid hypocrite to write a book about how she was treated unfairly, and made the victim. Ok, so there isn't really all that much irony, after all, you are "The Maverick". There is nothing more "rogue" or "maverick like" than writing a book trashing everyone and anyone in the hopes of advancing your career, or bank account, whatever your intention is. Sarah, it has been done a million times over. You aren't "rogue". You are hopeless.

It is incredible that you still have not grasped that there is a bigger world outside of Wasilla. Sarah, I know that many people have tried to explain to you how things work in the real world, but for some reason you are resistant to education. I am going to do my best to speak your language and see if maybe, just maybe, you can grasp what I am saying here.

You weren't running for Homecoming Queen. Senator McCain was. Do you understand what that means? That means that you were just hair and make-up behind the scenes. You were just there to make him look good. If McCain had WON, you would be second runner up to the queen. You know what that means, right? That means unless McCain is unable to fulfill his duties as queen, you simply wait around smiling and hoping that he gets caught having made a tasteful spread in Playboy. THEN, you can step in and wear the crown. Unfortunately, you pushed the queen down the steps BEFORE she was elected. It was a good plan in that Lifetime movie that you watched, but not really a good plan in reality, Sarah. You are supposed to push her when no one is looking, NOT when the cameras are rolling. Cameras record more than just crowns and smiles, sweetie. Here, in the real world, we expect more than just a cheap smile and a cutsie wink. We expect knowledge of the issues, in other words, the "interview" portion of the pageant is more important than the swimmsuit portion. I know that is different than what you are used to, but this isn't a Wasilla popularity contest. This was an election for the Presidency of The United States. It isn't just like the pageants you entered when you were young, just on a bigger scale. You should have watched the end of that movie, Sarah. I saw it too. The bitchy cheerleader that pushed the popular girl down the steps DID NOT win anything. She was disqualified and shunned from all social circles in her school. Do you know who ended up winning that crown, Sarah? It was the girl that no one expected to, the one who really wanted and deserved the crown because she didn't participate in the catty in fighting of the other contestants. "Her" name was Barack Obama.

Now Sarah, you have written a book. That very statement makes me chuckle. YOU writing a book conjures up a visual that makes me laugh out loud. I can just see you now, hair all perfectly in place, prop glasses on, legs crossed, and hunkered over a keyboard with your two index fingers poised above the keys, tongue protruding from the corner of your mouth, and a strained expression on your face trying to remember the "i" before "e" rule. You didn't really write this book, honey. You bitched and moaned the same old crap into a device that records your idiocy, and then someone with punctuation and grammar skills wrote it for you.

Sarah, do you really think that anyone gives a shit about what catfights you had with whom in the McCain camp? No honey, we still don't care. The only people who will read, and care about what is contained within your book are the people who voted for McCain and defended you. They are just looking for ANY reason to justify the brain fart that made them think you were, in any way, qualified and competent to do this job. They can read all about how you were manipulated and duped by everyone who you came in contact with. Now pay attention here, Sarah. If you are THAT easily swayed and manipulated, do you REALLY think that you are capable of dealing on an international level? I want you to think about that. You can't just bake warm cookies and send them to the Middle East wrapped in pink cellophane. Kim Jong Il doesn't care that your kid has Down Syndrome. As a matter of fact, he would tell you that you should have killed him and eaten him for dinner. He isn't very nice, Sarah. He is like Simon Cowell on American Idol. He will make you cry. I don't think you are ready for that yet.

Katie Couric is really a thorn in your backside, isn't she? Don't you just hate those smart girls that run the school newspaper? They are so irritating with all of their nosy questions. They spend way too much time in the school library and not nearly enough time behind the bleachers to really understand what you are all about. Sarah, she doesn't want to be your friend. She knows that you will just marry the quarterback of the football team, move into a trailer and breed. She is looking for a career, and using you to accomplish that. You should stay away from girls like her, she reads books. Here is what you should do, instead of writing about how she was so mean to you. You should start an "I hate Katie" page on Facebook. That way, every time you think about how much you hate her, you can just post your thoughts there. Other people who hate Katie, like Kate Gosselin, the Octomom, and Ann Coulter can join your page and comment too. This way, trees don't have to die so that your snarky nonsense can be published.

Oh, Levi. This is what we like to call a "political liability", Sarah. I am glad to see that you left him out of the book. I just couldn't handle hearing him go on to Katie Couric about your late night toking on the bong, or the swing in your bedroom. I have a feeling that is about all Levi can come up with in regard to "dirt" on you. The sad thing is you actually fear him! Do you really think that good ol' Levi grasped ANY part of the political goings on around him? Of all the people that you have pissed off and pissed on throughout your "career", LEVI is the one you fear? This really reflects your own understanding of what is and is not important to the American People outside of Wasilla. You paraded this kid around like a deer trapped in headlights, claiming that he was going to be a responsible father. Now he is posing for Playgirl and has dumped your daughter. This is not a good refection on your decision making skills, Sarah. It is not Levi, himself, that is the liability here. It is YOUR handling of the situation. It is time to grow up, and accept responsibility for your own actions, honey.

Sarah, we all have family members that would make us cringe if we put them in front of a camera. Just ask Bill Clinton. He will explain it to you, in a way that you can understand. He speaks "ignorant hick". The difference is, most people who succeed do so by NOT claiming that their family is anything better than anyone else's. The difference is, they actually mean it. They don't try to do things like, make drinking and driving legal because Uncle John has a drinking problem. Do you understand what I am saying? Bill will explain it to you, assuming he will take your calls. Tell him you are considering taking an internship, then he may pick up.

Now here it comes. It is time for some tough love. Sarah, you are not special. You are not smart. You are pretty "for your age". You have a limited future in local politics. You could probably win queen of a state fair somewhere in the deep south. Other than that, you are finished, Sarah. It is time to go home, pay attention to those kids you claim to live and die for, and get out of the national spotlight. You have embarrassed yourself, and everyone who has supported you. No, I am not jealous, Sarah. I am smart. I am kind of like Katie, only without a camera. I DO have a voter registration card though. It is time for me to tell you that you are more likely to see monkeys fly out of my ass, than for me to EVER vote for you for ANYTHING, let alone President of The United States. I am not alone, Sarah. We are like the pod people in that late night movie you watched the other night. We are many, and we keep multiplying. We are the smart people who are tired of the daytime drama that politics has become. You are symbolic of everything we hate about the political arena, Sarah. Oh, how do I say it so that you can understand?

You would have sold more DVD's titled "Doing Rogue" than you are going to sell of your book "Going Rogue". That is all you are, my dear. You came in last in America's popularity contest, but you still have a shot in porn. Give it a try honey. I think you can still reach your full potential.

Hey Obama, this has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Palin 2012